I wake up nearly every morning feeling...?
Wisdom Wizard,
I wake up nearly every morning feeling a bit anxious and jittery. Once I am up and get ready to go to class, I seem to be okay. Sometimes these jittery feelings return at other times during the day. I can't figure out how to get rid of them. College has been a big change for me. I have a computer that I love to spend time on and love to socialize, and I try to study in my room. It seems like everything is basically okay, yet I find myself still feeling nervous in the mornings. I would like to get a sense of peacefulness to start my day. How do I do that?
Signed, Jittery
Dear Jittery,
One recommendation I might offer, with respect to your search for
"peacefulness," might be leaving yourself some alone time each day.
Finding a quiet place to be alone to study can be important, but finding time to
just be alone and relax inside yourself a bit more could be very helpful in
achieving inner peace. Many people suggest that starting your day with brief
meditation, a relaxation exercise, deep breathing, or simply sitting quietly
will put you in a proper frame of mind to start your day in a relaxed
state. It sounds to me like you are on the right track and are becoming
aware of your changing needs. Keep looking at ways to tinker with your everyday
life choices, be aware of overload, and be willing to shift and sort what really
matters to you and your good health. It seems these changes might help provide a
sense of well-being, centeredness, and balance in your life.
Lately I have been considering going to the Counseling Center because I have been feeling anxious and moody...?
Dear Wisdom Wizard,
Lately I have been considering going to the Counseling Center because I have
been feeling anxious and moody basically since fall semester started. Usually I
am too busy to pay attention to how I'm feeling (partly on purpose) so when I do
get a break, I sometimes almost collapse. At those times I feel pretty isolated;
there are people I could probably talk to in my dorm, but I don't feel like I'm
that close to anyone. It would be nice to find a good listener who was not
judgmental. Here's my problem: I understand the benefits of counseling, (both my
parents are psychiatrists!) but am kind of stubborn about sharing my true
feelings and making myself vulnerable. I am scared of sharing too much of what
I'm feeling because I feel like I might lose control. At the same time, I really
want to talk. What should I do?
Considering Counseling
Dear Considering Counseling,
It's not at all unusual to be hesitant about coming for counseling, even when
you have some well thought-out reasons for doing it. Starting any new
relationship can be daunting, and the one you'll have with a counselor is no
exception. You might wonder things like: What will happen when I first go to
counseling? What will the counselor ask me--will I have to talk about things
that I don't want to think about? What if I don't like my counselor? You sound
like someone who is used to working things through on your own, or maybe even
just toughing it out when there seems there might be no immediate resolution to
a situation. This could be contributing to your concern that through sharing
feelings, and thus making yourself vulnerable in the counseling setting, you'll
be compromising your own sense of independence, and possibly even your sense of
control. Wisdom Wizard has had years of experience talking with students who
share your feelings and worries, and very much wants to help you feel more at
ease in making a decision about whether or not to go to counseling You
named some excellent reasons for thinking about seeing a therapist--anxiety and
moodiness, isolation, and getting to the point where things seem overwhelming.
While you might go to friends or others in the dorm, it doesn't feel comfortable
to do that when you don't feel close to these folks. Wisdom Wizard is very glad
you named "a good listener who was not judgmental" as qualities you
imagined finding in a therapist. This IS what you can expect. In addition, your
counselor should be able to help you further clarify the issues you are
grappling with, so that you have a clearer idea of what kind of work you want to
do in counseling, and what kind of help you want from the counselor.
I hope you have a good experience in counseling should you decide to try it.
Wisdom Wizard
Dear Wisdom Wizard:
I have a small penis. I am afraid of oral sex or just plain sex because of this.
Is there a way that I could temporarily make my penis appear larger than it
actually is?
Dear Questioner:
This is not an uncommon concern. Men sometimes have questions about penis size,
worrying about whether it is adequately large for their partner's satisfaction,
and feeling anxious or embarrassed that their partner might judge them
negatively on this basis alone. Media hype, locker room-type gossip, and
misinformation in general probably do the most harm in suggesting that there is
some norm that men must conform to, and that if they don't do so, they might be
a disappointment to a sexual partner.
Physicians, psychotherapists, and researchers on sexual relations know that penis size is not what brings partners sexual satisfaction or relationship happiness. Rather, it is sensitivity and responsiveness to each other's feelings, physical and emotional, based on good ongoing communication. Because most people have some concerns about their bodies, it is important that this be something that can be talked about in any intimate relationship.
Your willingness to share your feelings with your partner will go the farthest in putting these anxieties to rest and mostly likely bring you that much closer which should also make sexual relations even better for you both.
Wisdom Wizard found the following website helpful, interesting, and informative:
There were several questions very similar to yours on the Sex Ed 101 page under Questions & Answers, as well as many questions and discussions about other topics related to sex. There is not a way to make your penis temporarily appear larger. But if you continue to have questions or anxieties about this, or want simply to talk further about your feelings and concerns, Wisdom Wizard encourages you to speak with your physician or a counselor. The school counselor may be a good place to start.