I have chosen not to post your email letter.  I am so glad you wrote the Wizard.  From your email I can tell you have serious concerns about your family relationships, especially concerning your Dad, and serious concerns about your future mental health.

I agree, setting up a counseling session would be a good idea to discuss these concerns.  I feel certain that counseling would be beneficial.

Wisdom Wizard

Wisdom Wizard question:

If I was to try to control my temper and be nice where would that get me?

Dear Control my temper,

It is good that you are thinking of finding ways to control your temper.

All emotions are okay to experience.  As we move into maturity---learning to deal appropriately with all our emotions becomes essential for ourselves and also in our dealings with other people.

If you have a problem with controlling your temper, it may be helpful to receive assistance from a counselor who can help you sort things out.

The Counseling Services on the OSU/COTC Newark Campus is free. Stop by Hopewell 61 to sign up for a counseling session.

Wisdom Wizard

Wisdom Wizard question:

My Husband is addicted to porn websites. We have been together for nearly 11 years now,

married for nearly 6 of those years. We do not have children, but have recently

discussed starting a family. Approximately two-three quarters ago, while doing a search

for a saved portfolio requirement, I came across some porn he had saved on our computer.

I never thought he was the type of guy to get into this type of lifestyle. He is a very

good man and a he is a great provider. I've been struggling with my weight for quite

some time, and am making great progress.

To say the least, I started feeling insecure and began doubting how strong our marriage

may be. I showed him what I found on our computer. I felt hurt and betrayed but I

confronted him in a calm manner. He basically blew it off, telling me that perhaps when

he last backed-up the system, the older files were modified with the date of the back-

up, that they must have been really old files. Then last night, I found plenty more. I

confronted him again. I told him I would not continue to be in this marriage if this

behavior continued. It is disrespectful and will only put a wedge between us. He

admitted that he has a serious problem with porn. He said he was sorry, and that he lied

to me the last time because he thought he "had it beat."

Clearly, he struggles with this addiction. He said he would never do it again and that I

was worth it to him to stop. Again, I told him if he can't stop, I can not stay.

He's asked me for forgiveness and help. I want to help him. What can I do? What do we

need to do? Where do I go from here? He said there is no reason for him to watch the

videos, etc. but that sometimes he feels lonely. Half the time he views porn while I'm

in class, trying to get my education for a career to help our family one day get ahead.

Other times though, I've been in the next room so I see this as a simple excuse. I want

to believe in him, but I won't be a fool either. How do I not lose my best friend in

this world to porn? Thank you.

Dear  husband who is addicted to porn,

This is an extremely difficult addiction to deal with. Please Stephen A. Silliman, PCC at 614 263-8161. He can help your husband and you as well deal with this very difficult addiction.

Wisdom Wizard

Dear Wisdom Wizard,

My son is a full-time COTC student. He and his girlfriend just had a brand new baby. Currently his girlfriend has no job and my son works part-time as much as he can.  It is a real strain on them and us financially with this new baby.  My son really needs to cut back more on work to concentrate on school.  We would like them to get their own apartment, but are willing to try to make it work with them in our house.  What are some options they can explore to help them financially get on their feet and get through school and hopefully take care of their family on their own?

Dear My son is a full-time COTC student,

I appreciate the difficult situation you and your family are in. I am not sure what county your son resides in. Our students come from 42 counties in Ohio.

Here are some numbers that may be helpful: Licking County 211 (this is a resource number), Licking County - Opportunity Links - (740) 670-8704

If in Franklin County- Job and Family (614) 462-4000, Coshocton County-(740) 622-0770, Muskingham County- (740) 454-6211, Guernsey County (740 432-9317.  I hope these numbers will be helpful.

Wisdom Wizard

Dear student who had to withdraw

I am currently enrolled at  COTC but I have to withdraw.  The school says I have to pay out of pocket to come back and I can not afford it. I want my nursing degree so bad.

I have extreme bad luck.  Every time I try and start college something bad happens.  What can I do to still be able to go to college.  I want to graduate. Please help me!!!!

Dear COTC who had to withdraw,

As far as I know there is nothing that can be done to re-enter COTC until you pay back the loan at COTC. 

There are other schools Mt. Carmel, Capital, Franklin, Otterbein and OSU that have LPN to RN or RN check out their web sites.  I am not sure about the financial situation you are in. You may have to pay back your loan in order to try other schools.  If you feel you had a learning problem , you might want to make an appointment with Connie Zang, Director for Office of Disability Services at 366-9441 she is in Hopewell 53 and discuss things with her. You can do that even if you are no longer a student.

I wish you the best.

Wisdom Wizard

Dear Wisdom Wizard,

I just broke up with my boyfriend of three years. We lived with each other for two years and now all of a sudden he wanted

me to move out. I still love him and he tells me he still cares for me but that he is tired of being with me.

We have so much financial obstacles now and I am a crying mess. What can I do to help me get over him.

Dear just broke up with my boyfriend,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Talking to a counselor, trusted family member or friend or clergy can be helpful.  Grief can be very upsetting. It seems that this came as a shock and you are overwhelmed with emotions and financial worries.

If you are a student at OSU, you can see a counselor in Columbus by calling 614-292-5766 or by calling the counselor at OSU Newark or COTC at 740-366-9464.

You can contact Legal Aid Newark at 840-345-0850 or Legal Aid Columbus 614-224-8374 they may be helpful with some financial guidance.

This is a very emotional time for you. Reaching out can be very helpful.

Take care of yourself, exercise to get rid of some of the overwhelming feelings and try to eat right.

Wisdom Wizard

Dear Wisdom Wizard,

    I have this friend...she is my best friend actually...

she treats me so bad and then when I try and tell her that it hurts my feelings she just finds someway to turn it around on me?? I don't want to be her friend any more and I'm sick of letting her walk all over me... how should I go about this??

 Help....

Dear I have this friend,

Sometimes a friendship disappoints us so painfully and for so long we have to let her go.  For some of us when a relationship becomes a drain instead of a joy it may be time to let go.  On the other hand, if you are being assertive and she ignores your requests to stop hurting your feelings, you may want to back up from the relationship and have her as an acquaintance instead of a close friend.  You could see if distancing yourself would help her to take you more seriously and respect you as a friend.  Sometimes we have too high of expectations of people, sometimes not.

If this women continues to be inappropriate after trying some of the things I have mentioned, perhaps it is time to let go.  You can do that by a voice mail, face to face or just a note or maybe just fading out of the relationship.

I will be thinking of you and hoping things work out for the best.  By the way, there is a good book you might want to pick up off of Amazon, "The Friendship Crisis".  It has some helpful hints it that all of us women could benefit from.

Wisdom Wizard

Dear Wisdom Wizard,

    I've been going back and forth as to whether or not to start counseling at COTC. I was raped 4 yrs ago and never sought help for it. I had actually suppressed it for a while, and didn't start dealing with things again until about a yr and a half ago. But I still have not sought out help because it's hard for me to talk about. Although I'm starting to feel like i need to talk. I had hoped that I would get past this on my own but I haven't. I'm just really confused and worried because I don't know if that's what the counselors at COTC are there for or not.

Signed,

Looking for direction

Dear Looking for direction,

I know that women are often survivors of this type of crime. I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through this type of trauma.  It would be helpful to work with a Counselor.  Counselors have all kinds of techniques to assist students.  One is talk therapy, one is EMDR, and one is a support group.

You can contact the OSU/COTC Newark Campus  Counselor at 740 366-9464 or stop by the Warner Library and Student Center  Room 226. If you are an OSU student, you can also make an appointment on Columbus Campus by calling 614 292-5766

The important thing now is to recover and get the support you need.

Take care,

Wisdom Wizard

 I currently live with my boyfriend of 3 years, and his family. Two quarters ago he got kicked out of school and he has no job. He’s trying to get one and he's trying really hard to get back into school. The school doesn't seem to want to give him a chance to get back in, and I know that if he got back into school he would be 100% serious about it.

His being home 24/7 had started to hurt our relationship, and I'm afraid that it still is, but we're just covering it up. We know that once he gets a job and back into school everything will be happy and good for us. But right now everything seems kind of rough between us. I have a job and I always seem to want to buy him things with my paychecks.

I'm not sure if it’s because I'm worried he'll leave me if I don't keep him happy or if I just really want him to be happy because I know he’s sad about not being able to do anything. What advice do you think you could give me on the situation?

-- has jobless boyfriend

Dear Jobless boyfriend,

Certainly you have some valid concerns about your boyfriend and your relationship. Opportunity Links at 740-670-8700 998 E. Main Street in Newark is a good place to start to get help with employment.  All relationships have their ups and downs. Right now this seems to be a down time.

Also, Columbus has more opportunities for employment. If he has not checked into employment in Columbus, if you live in Newark, he may have to check there and commute.  Supporting one another during the down times can strengthen your relationship.

Taking good care of you will be important during this time. Getting support from family and friends, exercising, eating right and getting rest will help you and perhaps help you to be more supportive to your boyfriend.

Take care,

Wisdom Wizard

Dear Wisdom Wizard,

Our college is suppose to be getting the culinary program in either Winter 2010 or Spring 2010. Right now I'm currently majoring in Business but I want to go for the culinary program. I want to stay in college but if I stay that more money I owe to the college. So my question is should I stay and keep going for business for experience or should I wait for them to get the culinary program?

Dear Culinary Program,

These are very good questions. I briefly spoke to Kim at COTC Advising in the Gateway. They are projecting Spring of 2010 or later for the Culinary Arts program. The problem is, if you wait for the Culinary Arts Program you may end up having to start paying back your loans. You might check with your advisor but, I believe, you only have 6 months after you leave college before you have to start paying off your loans. 

Your advisor or Kim at the Gateway at 366-9222 may be able to assist you.

Take care,

Wisdom Wizard

Dear Friendless,

In college to get started with making new friends it is often helpful to join an organization.  If you go to our website and

1. Click on Student Services   2. Click on Student Activities  3. Click on Student Organizations   you will see a variety of organizations.

You can also make a appointment with Casey Ray who is in charge of our activities by sending him an email at ray.315@osu.edu. Making these connections can provide an opportunity to develop friendships. In the meantime, you can make an appointment with the Counselor on campus to talk about some of your concerns by logging on to https://cotc.xftr.com/.  Sometimes, it is helpful to talk with a Counselor until you are more connected.

Take care,

Wisdom Wizard

Wisdom Wizard question:

This is my first quarter in college. I am struggling in 2 of my classes. I know the material and I do great in class, but when it comes to a test or quiz or exam I fail it. Which is making me fail for this quarter. What do I need to do if I think I'm going to fail this quarter?

Dear First Quarter Student,

Many first quarter students struggle. You might want to contact Ferdinand Avila-Medina our Study Skills Specialist at 740-366-9247. He can make sure you have good skills for studying and test taking.  If you fail this quarter, you can retake courses. You might want to talk with your advisor and ask questions about retaking your courses if you do not succeed.  If you do not know who your advisor is, you can call COTC advisors at  740 366-9422 or OSU advisors at 740-366-0333.  

Also, Office for Disabilities Services may be able to help you as well. You can call Heather Grabetz at 740-366-9385 for assistance.  Hang in there. There are services here to help you. You can also go to the labs...math...writing labs in the Warner Center.

Take care,

Wisdom Wizard

Wisdom Wizard question

When we were 16 me and my boyfriend decided to date. We lived about 45 minutes from each other and saw each other every weekend. Then about 2 years into our relationship i moved in with him to go to college and be happy with him.

Well last year around fall me and him had a little falling out and he told me he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore.

About a week later he said he does love me. And from then on I was happy. But tonight I didn't feel right at all and I was thinking that I hated the way I changed. But really I think I knew he was going to leave me. He told me that he said he still loved me so that I could be happy. That isn't fair to me at all. And now we're broken up. I feel like a complete wreck. I wanted to marry him and have kids with him. I still love him and I would do anything to make this work out. He wants to be friends with me. I'm not really sure if I could handle that.. but I'm going to try because it might help us. I just really need advice right now from anyone.

Dear When we were 16....

This is a difficult and sad time for you. Breaking up is emotionally painful when you still love someone. When one no longer wants to be in a committed relationship and the other one still wants to be in a committed relationship moving the relationship over to just friendship usually does not work.

Perhaps, if you give yourself time 3 months or so, where you are not communicating at all and give yourself time to heal you can then decide if you want a friendship.  You are important too and need time to grieve the loss of your dreams and the loss of this young man.

Take care,

Wisdom Wizard

Wisdom Wizard question:

I feel overwhelmed and just hopeless pretty much all the time. My grandma, mom, and brother are bipolar. I would like to go see a doctor and be put on meds if need be but I have no ins. and no money. What do you think I should do?

Dear I feel overwhelmed,

If you live in Licking County you can call  Moundbuilders Emergency Services at 740-522-2858 or you can call 211 and ask for assistance.

If you live in Franklin County, you can call  Netcare 614-274-9500 or 276-2273 for assistance.

In the meantime, exercise can help lift your spirits. Everyday for 20 or 30 minutes a day. Walking, jogging or jumping rope. In Granville at the library, I think on Tuesday evenings at 7 there is free yoga. You can call the library to check at 740 587-0196.

If you have no job and no money, you can apply for Care Source Insurance by calling Job and Family Services in the county you live in. Licking County Job and Family's  number is 740 670-8999 or 1-888-895-2790.  After you are on Care Source you can go to the doctors and no co-pay. They often try patients on med samples.

I am glad you are reaching out for assistance. Keep going until you get the help you feel you need.  Mental Health of America has groups that might be of interest to you in Newark. They can be reached by calling 740-522-1341.

Take care,

Wisdom Wizard